Feeling of Comfort
Monday, April 10, 2017
Emerald Isle, North Carolina
Things are different now. As we travel for Spring Break, it's just the 3 of us. We go out to eat, it's a table for 3 where there will always be an empty chair. One where he should be sitting, next to me. Always next to me. It feels weird. It feels wrong. It feels like we shouldn't be here without him.
But then there is Payton. This girl who I hang on to for dear life in sheer terror of losing her too. The one who stands alone in photos because her brother is no longer here. The one who smiles and is so strong because she knows her brother IS here. She knows he will always be here and she tells me he brings her a feeling of warmth and comfort. I cry because I am thankful that she can feel his presence. I cry because I can not. She holds the innocence of a child that doesn't know how dark life can be. I know too much. I hurt too much. I will continue to ask him to help me through this. To help me understand. To help me feel him.
So we will make new memories, we have no choice. We will take each day as it comes.