This day 2 years ago was one of the happiest days I can remember. It was Parker's First Communion - a beautiful day filled with love, laughs, family and friends. This causes me such pain today seeing how happy we all were. How happy he was. It is hard for me to remember the days like this. My heart is shattered and so dark now. My thoughts are consumed by him being sick, that horrific day when I feel like I died along with him.
He was so happy. So full of life. I will never understand how or why he is not here anymore. Why all I have left are memories. This sweet face. This sweet boy. I hope in time I can feel the joy I once felt. Right now it is impossible but I am working my way back to that little shimmer of hope. That shining light that he once was and still is in my heart. It has been almost 8 weeks since I last saw that smile and that look of love in his big blue eyes for me. That look that only a mother knows. That look that I saw every day. Thank you, Bud, for always letting me know how much you loved me.