I Want My Life with Parker
So today a year ago was the day when my life came crashing down around me. Today was the day a year ago that Parker was fitted for his cast with a fractured ankle. Today was also the day a year ago that I got the call from the dermatologist team at CHOP. They had some information on his test results, which were still inconclusive for the bump on his head. They told me over the phone, with Payton sitting right next to me, that they found cells that are linked to Leukemia in his biopsy. They told me that they needed us to bring him in to the ED at CHOP as soon as possible. I was in shock. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't believe that I was hearing the word "Leukemia" about my healthy, sweet, perfect little boy. I was in a complete panic. Pete and Parker were at hockey practice. I was hysterical. Payton was hysterical. We were so confused.
So I called Pete and they rushed home. How do we tell Parker what is going on? How will he understand? We told him he had to go to do some testing and that we will find out more from there. So my parents came to sit with Payton, which was now her bedtime. Off we went to CHOP. I remember never being so scared in my entire life. Pete had to stop like 3 times during our drive for me to go to the bathroom. I felt like I had lost complete control of my body. This was probably my first experience with anxiety and panic. You just lose control.
We arrive and poor Parker is on his crutches. They bring him in and start asking us all kinds of questions. The doctors had the order from Dermotology to run tests on Parker, a complete CBC blood panel. They examined him, poked and prodded. The doctors seemed just as confused as we were. They knew exactly what they should be looking for, they just didn't see it. We waited for what seemed like an eternity. Well into early morning hours.
Finally. Finally they came back with his blood test results and told us they didn't find anything. He was perfectly fine. He was perfectly healthy. I had never felt so relieved. My first reaction was sheer happiness. We could take him home. My second reaction was how dare they put us through all of that for nothing. We would come to find out that they were right all along.
I thought this was the absolute worst night of my life. Boy was I wrong. I am living the worst everyday since I lost him.
When you think you are having a bad day, or your worst day ever, think how lucky you are that it is just one day, not the rest of your life. I want him back. I need him back. I want my life with Parker.